life have been really painful for me...

3 months ago...
i made a new friend..

everything went so well that is just like a dream come true..
we talked..
we met..
we laughed...
we joked...
we fell for each other..

less than a month later..
we became one..
those early days filled with lots of love and passion...
never will i ever erase them from my memories...
days became weeks...

once...
we were fighting strongly together..
my parents wanted us to be separated...
and we manage to pulled through...

that was when
i learn courage...
i learn patience...
i learn to understand one's heart...
i felt love...

however...
weeks only became a month...

never did i realised..
our days were coming to an end...
it was already at the verge of the cliff..

non stop fighting..
misunderstanding..
little time for each other...

i was in my fantasy...
deeply in love...
but yet again...
i failed to save it...

i never knew what was it about..
never knew the reason why...
why when i needed the presence most...
why when i needed the love most...
why when i needed the care n support most..
and the questions are still left not answered...

left..
left my heart shattered..

i tried to forget the name...
i tried to forget the face...
i tried to forget the touch...
i tried to forget the days...
i tried...


one after another...
it just doesnt stop..

now i lost a pearl...
it hurts terribly this time...

the pearl means dearly to me...
i put the word trust on it..
i treasured it for few years now...

however..
nothing stays forever..

becuz of me...
becuz of my words..
becuz of my inconsiderations..
i accidentally scratched the pearl...

i realised i was selfish..
i was jealous..
but..
i should have stepped down...
and allow everthing...

i was already a nobody..
who am i to stop...

but i cant bear the pain...
i had to...
i trusted it sooo much...

and now i dont know what to do...
how do i face it...

im confused!...

i miss those days...

i miss my pearl...

tears keep flowing...

heart still aching...

what do i do...






three questions constantly being asked...
and wanting the answer soo much...
-have u deleted me ?
-why do u hate me so much ?
is it becuz i hurt u..or is it becuz i hurt her ??

-why did u do this to me when
u know i still have feelings for him ???

mixed feelings...

i dont know whether i should just give in, give up or something.

firstly..i still have feelings for u..

but why did u do this to me...
WHY!!..

u said i made u lost trust in girls...
unable to trust them just like what hapen 5 years ago..

but what did i do.

i started loving u..
in the end it was u who decided to separate.
im confused.

u thought i was different but in the end im just the same as the other girls ??
gosh!..
u seriously never thought of what i feel deep inside..

and now ur having a brother sister bond with my friend..
omg congrates guys for playing behind my back..

if only you know what this friend of yours is feeling right now..

SHE'S DEEPLY HURT !!!

i never thought of ending anything..
neither friendship nor relationship..
but you made me...

im pissed! really really pissed and disappointed..
my heart cried when u showed me that msg...

all this while u guys have been msging each other..
for god sake..be LOYAL to ur boyfriend..
i understand why the fight happen..

he is jealous..
i cant deny it cuz im having that feeling too..

how can he not think you guys like each other..

even i doo... :'( :'(

i dont know what kind of friend are u..
im sorrie..
but i just have to say it all out..

im crying yet u're having fun ???
dammit!..

i want to back out..
i want u guys to be happy...

but again..
im sorrie..

i still have feelings for him...



this song is dedicated to u...
Saat mentari beradu
Rembulan pun bertamu
Hatiku menjadi sayu
Dalam kesamaran waktu

Mengapakah rinduku
Masih ada dalam kalbu
Sedangkan cinta itu
Sudah berlalu

Mungkinkah rasa bersalah
Masih menghimpit jiwa
Kerna terlalu tega
Membuatmu terluka

Dikau yang begitu setia
Tabah hadapi segala
Namun ku menjadi alpa
Kesal akhirnya

Aku pinta kepadamu
Maafkan lah kesilapanku
Aku tahu kau dan aku
Tidak mungkin akan menyatu

Apa yang tertinggal kini
Kesedaran dihati
Yang kan tetap bersemadi
Menjadi elegi sepi

Biarlah doa tulusku
Mengiringi jalanmu
Kan menebus khilaf ku
Terhadapmu

Aku pinta kepadamu
Maafkan lah kesilapanku
Aku tahu kau dan aku
Tidak mungkin akan menyatu

Biarlah doa tulusku
Mengiringi jalanmu
Kan menebus khilaf ku
Terhadapmu

5mins to 12...

still not asleep yet...

hmm...

still doing my OC lab...

well yeah...

i reach home at 1030 just now...

when to watch harry potter and the half-blood prince...

with juju, bharkha, fred, hariz, alvis n danny....

Zu was suppose to be there but left earlier...

take care kkzz gerl..dont worry to much...

we're here for uu....

hmm...

about the show...

i would just give a 5...

i dont know y but i felt like i've watch it before...

the scene whereby snape killed dumbledore....

in my dream maybe...

get back to it...

i give 5 cuz..

1. too much talking...

2. not much fighting between the good and evil like the other previous ones..

3.touchy yet still okay2..

hmmm...

there was this sad and shocking part....

sad:

dumbledore gave this sad looking face when harry had to force down the water....

(bharkha at edge of crying..ooww)

dumbledore died and the students put up their wands and gave light...

(juju criedd!!!...goshh...)

shocking:

a hand suddenly grab harry into the water...

(i shouted like hell..made everyone shocked!..ahahaha..)

anyway...

its fun watching with the girls...

we laugh alot in the cinema...

hmmm...

okies then..

thats for all...

ps: to mr yayat!..hahah...im soo soriie!..

gerllzz..

thank you sooo much...

from the bottom of my heart..


its been 7mths...

that was how long we 7 didnt meet each other..

gosh..u wont know how much we miss each other...

lots of things we talked abt...


iyanti n rin when watch harry potter at 1030 AM..

ahahaha..ppl watch at night...they watch in the morning...

then me and didi met at 1..

left towards bugis..

gave a suprise entrance to rin n iyanti who were waiting for us at mac..

caca n far arrived...

we left for haji lane...

went lunch at ZAM ZAM...

we talk alot....

from about me...to abt didi...to abt rin's fren...

then went for shisha....

well...only didi, caca n farfar shisha.....

we (tiktik,rinrin,iyanti) good gerl..soo nono..

no shisha for us...

we hang out for awhile...

played truth or dare...

but seems like its just about the truth...

then it was time to camwhooreee!!!....

took alot of pics..

but caca can only pass it tmr...



anyways, to make it short...

i had alot of funn with my lovelies...

i love u guyz soo much...

and yeah...

i am forgetting him...

like didi say: "dalam laut banyak ikan"

hehe..

alrity...
im off...

wow...

so u're now done and over with everything....

congratulations is all i can say..

it's really sad..but never mind....

i'll try harder...

hmm....

im gonna HUSH HUSH now...

tooodayy!!!....

wow!!...

went out with ita till 11 pm!!..

and mom didnt even scold me...

COOL RITE!.

AHAHA..

crazy girls...

tak habis2 ketok2 kepala satu2...

burrook peh ita!!..

hmmph!...

i bet people look at us...

seriously the hit was soo violent..

but wat the heck....

we dont even care where we are...

hmm...

we went to watch performance by DIAN dancers (i think soo this is the grp's name)

abg ( my tarian choreographer)..

was part of it...

their tarian was soo smooth..

haishh!...

NURUL!!..u can be like them....

train harder aites!!..

then we when marina...

ahaha...

we should have watch HARRY POTTER seh gerl...

but i think even if we were to join the looooongggg quuueuueee at GV..

the show time available would be midnight...

we go other days aites...

hmm..

k lah...

im off..


last of all:

to ita: HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY...

to u: CONGRATES FOR MOVING ON!!!...may u have a better girl than me..

I CAN'T LIE TO MYSELF !!!

YES..

I STILL LOVE HIM...

BUT YY??!!!

AFTER WHAT HAVE HAPPEN BETWEEN US...

EVERY SINGLE ONE KEEPS TELLING ME TO FORGET....

BUT I TRUELY CANT..

IM NOT READY !!!...

he may have moved on...

and im glad...

cuz he's happy...

his happiness is my happiness...

i didnt online yesterday night due to training...

i saw his name at the "what's new" section in msn...

and it says that he had 2 days of mc...

and i know that he is sick..

he is not the type who would skip work for no reasons..

im seriously worried..

u may say...

just forget him..

move on...its hard but just do it..

but do u know..

i love him too much....

knowing him being sick already made me cry on the phone...

~thanks marl~

wat more when i saw that girl...

..............

haishh!!....

i wish i could listen to marl...

just msg him as a fren...just to show concern...

however...

what will he think about me...

dont u think so tooo...

i also wish i could listen to the others..

forgive, forget, move on...

however...

my heart is just too heavy to even drag it across...

only god knows how i feel right now...

:'(..

what the hell...

now i know y ur avoiding me...

soo how's ur new girl fren??

giving love soo muchh i see...

wow!...

congratulation for moving on soo fast....

never know what i thought....

became true...

that guys just forget about their ex soo easily..

:'( :'( :'(...

only god knows the pain im feeling right now..

i know i shouldnt not still be thinking about u...

but every morning...

i wake up..

i think of you...

every night before i sleep...

i think of you...

my schedule may be very pack...

but if someone was to just leave me alone for even 1min....

u will come into my mind....

YY ??? YY MUST IT BE YOU ??!!...

it's really killing me...

goshh!!...

everyone keep telling me to move on...

i tried but...

argh!!...

its real pain...

goshh!!...

this lyric is dedicated to you:

I see your face in my mind as I drive away

'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way

People are people and sometimes we change our minds

But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Mmm...mmm...Mmm...mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie

It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see

'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down

Now I don't know what to be without you around

(Chorus)

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break, no one here to save me

You're the only thing I know, like the back of my hand

And I can't...

Breathe without you, but I have to

Breathe without you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt

Every little bump in the road I try to swerve

People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

(Chorus)

It's 2am, feeling like I just lost a friend

Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me

And it's 2am, feeling like I just lost a friend

Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me...

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break, no one here to save me

Oh...

I can't breathe without you, but I have to

Breathe without you, but I have to

Sorry, sorry, sorry, yeah, sorry

Sorry, sorry, sorry....

im TIRED!..

hmm...

3 bdays coming up...

and now...

im really tired...

i had a mission..

shop for presents in 40mins..

i was soooo in PANIC mood....

my symphathetic activity increased...

ahahahhaha....

if u know what i mean...

anyways...

we rush up n down just to find the presents...

it was like entering a competition...

buying presents for 3 different peoples in 40mins...

imagine that....

but we succeed...

ahahahahaha......

and yep...we spent a total of exactly $40 on 2 people...

okies...

im fine with that...

got home...

bath quickly..

wrapped up the presents..

and became an accountance for 5mins...

had to divide the cost price among 8 of us...

thank god...

or else my wallet would have flies flying out of it...

and GUESS WHAT ?!..

i just found out that i was cheated..

everyone was in a rush..

so without counting the money the aunty returned...

i quickly just left...

now i realised im $5 short...

i could have use that money to pay hariz back...

iyooo....

im sooo CARELESS!!!

anyways...forgive n forget..

got dance training tmr!!! at 6 till 9...

in the first place...

i dont even know y i join tarian....

hmm..still wondering...

nvm..try my best....

WORK HARD NURUL !!!

u can dance well during NDP concert aites!!!...

________________________

i never thought u could be so cruel to me....

u gave me the hope that we could still be frens...

but u left me quietly...

u come online every night...

but y never once u spoke to me...

i know u have forgotten abt me...

and i dont blame u...

but...i hope...

u could just delete me....

from ur account...

and from your life completely....

its really a torture to see ur name appearing on my account....

u know i dont have the strength to delete u away...

haishh...

Omg!! im soo pissed!!...

hmm...lets start..

firstly u made me love u soooo bloody much!!!...

we quarelled alot..

i agree...

but u broke my heart..

by leaving me when in time i needed u soo much....

i let u go cuz i know u will never be happy with me...

and i know u can find someone better than me...

im sorrie if i hurt u...

but yeah...u still broke my heart...

now its shattered into pieces...

im trying to slowly bits and pieces put it back together..

its hard...

but i'll never give up..

although truth to be told...

i still love u...

however...

today...

i felt hurt again...

can u even say a simple HI back to me ??...

what am i to u now ???

its was ur suggestion that we become frens...

and now ur not even talking to me...

is this wat u mean by frens...

i dont know what ur frens have told u...

i know they love u and care for u....

but try to atleast listen to ur heart for once..

talk to me!!!...

im fine...im overcoming my fears...

so dont think about me wanting to patch up..

cuz it will never happen...

because of u...

i lost half of my life..

i lost my battle...

i lost my appetite..

i lost my courage...

i lost my freedom...

i lost my PEACE !!!....

thanks very much!!..

and for me to overcome what happen on friday...

really took alot of my frens support...

gosh!...

thanks guys...

GOD!!!...

can someone just stab me from the back...

kill me on the spot...

so that i wont feel pain anymore!!!..

ARRGHH!!!...

i love u but i hate u...