i want to repeat what i did today!!!!!

115 we were to gather at Blk 7 level 1 for the bus will be there...
board the bus and off we go..

and yeah!...
embarrasing enough we were sent to the wrong location...
ahahahhaha....
some club called Club CSC...

then we had to board the bus again
and this time...
yes! we reach HomeTeamNS...

we had a course at the air rifle shooting range...
we learn about the rules..
the ways to hold a rifle...
knowing ur master eye....
its real fun!...

after all that...
me syaza nad clement n hariz when for lunch by the pool cuz we had to wait 45mins for our turn..
and yes! we were late..
cuz buzy talking and laughing...

first we were taught on the aiming...
the front sight must be inside the rear sight...
and watever....
first go we were allowed to sit...
cuz we were just practicing on the aiming...

then comes the standing...
we were made to stand holding the rifle...
and seriously..
it was quite heavy okaY!...
the posture we were in...cud give back ache...
and its norm...
like wth!...

then yar...
we were allowed to shoot at our own time...

WHAT I HATE MOST:
the rifle keeps moving..
(well duh!)
but still...
its damn irritating...
alot of time i already aim at the black spot...
next thing i know it moves and i shot the white area...
seriously irritating!...

and the instructor told us not to take our breath when aiming...
wooahH!...
no body was able to do that...

its like though we didnt aim accurately...
but still...
its a very exciting experience..
and fir will be finding time after sem test...
for us to go another round...
CANT WAIT!!!...


enough of all the excitement...
the 2 busy days are here...

Wed:
10Am-ASc meeting...
12Pm- Plan to meet nad for PS...(not confirm)
6Pm-Christmas Party at Clement's
Gonna be AWESOMMEE!!!...
with secret SANTA!!!

hmmm...wondering still...
shud i overnite at his house ?

thurs:
9Am- Appointment with doc
12Pm- Training with Abg Amin
performance for TP OPEN HOUSE in like 2WEEKZ!!..
8Pm- Gathering at Kakak's house....
every year thing....
will always end at 3-4Am...
they loveee toooo PARRTYY!!!...
but only with family...
heheh...

friday-sunday:
Pahang trip!!!...
hope staying in hotel instead of resort!!!

the start of sch....
28, 29 30- training at 6 till late...

DAMN TIRING MAN MY LIFE!!!


what i feel ???
excited yet disappointed...
im really excited about the parties and the training...
for we the SNTians will be performing again...
and need to do our group proud....

however...
disappointed cuz all my plans are ruin!..
destroyed!...
and no body knows how sad i feel..

ive plan for weeks
and yes! nearly cried when everything had to be crushed and push to later dates...
god knows when will that be...

pa...
ive made today special reserved for u...
u promised to fetch me...
i guess u forgot...
but nevermind...
lets just get it over with..

tmr ill be busy...
if only nadiah cant meet me..
then i can spent 6hrs with u...
but u know 6hrs is not enough right...

well i cant blame u...
cuz its all my fault..

im the buzy one...

and yes...
thursday was suppose to be the day we go for cycling....
and all...
but i had to cancel it
cuz last minute i had training...
im sorry!...


argh!...
im gonna stop here...
no point talking.

2am.

awake.

n waiting.

nothing.

total silent.

continue waiting.

till the day the voice just ask one final question.

no chances.

i need a break..

and i mean..
a fun exciting break...doing new sports
or maybe just hang out..chill and relax..

my weekend havent been a great one..
im bored at home..
suffocating though breathing..

well today atleast i when out..
though for a short while...

went to tamp1...
alone..
just to get the auntie annie's...
i think its called pretzel ???...

bought my fav..
cinnamon sugar..
ahahaha...
and also choco eclair...
bought it for someone..
but didnt manage to pass it..


~so close yet still so far~

thats how i describe it...

niway...
its over...
next thing i knew..

i was already waiting for 87..
hmm...

soon as i reach...
the washrm is the first place i visit..

thought its slowly curing...
but...
nothing seems to change..
well except that now there's no blood...
thats all...
hish...
till when should i suffer this uncomfortable feeling...

just waiting for the result this thursday...

now??...
now im just waiting for one thing..
just one txt...
thats all...

but i know i have to wait forever for it to come...

whats going through that person's mind right know?

hmm...




i miss him
hope he knows it and feels it too

gosh!...
i never expected this to happen in my body...
seriously....

this is soo yy i never like going to the clinic...

i remember how stubborn i was...

once, i was in sec 3..
it was like a week before the final exam..
i had very high fever...
about 40++..
i couldnt lift my body..
i was bloody hot...
2 days pass yet i did even go to the clinic...
temp didnt decrease...
dad forced me up and met the doc...
and guess what the doc said...

"we have to sent u to the hospital, temp too hot" and other bull shit...
well yar i insist not to..
so he gave me antibiotics...

side track..i learn that taking antibiotics often actually causes ur normal flora to be disturb...
and that causes opportunistic pathogen( u know those disease causing bacteria)...

anyway yar i took it...
had to..
i wud prefer going to school rather than lay down at home waiting for death...

since then...
i dare not fall sick..
as in having major fever...
only minor flu, cough and sore throat...
thats all...
and not forgetting my favourite..
headaches...

so yar...it was quite long since ive when to the clinic...
till today..

for the pass 1 week...
ive been suffering quite badly...
seriously...
the pain was unbearable...
everytime i visit the toilet...
it just hurts...
and yeah...to add on to the pain...
there were blood dripping..

first time i felt it..
the blood was like damn alot...
if u were to saw it..
im sure u urself wud be scared...

but slowly it becomes just drip by drip..

slowly come to an end..
however...
didnt know it would come again...

start all over...
the pain...
then comes the bleeding..

gosh...

so cuz it brought along other problems to my body...
mom forced to visit the doc..

and yah..
couldnt take it any longer...
i when along with her decision...

the doc ask me the one and only thing that i never told strangers about...
not even my friends nor my fam..

thank god dad didnt follow me in...
or else...

she asked: "have u had any sexual intercourse?"

wow!...in all ques!...

after all the unnecessary talk..
she told me to come back for some lab test...

hmmm...
hope its not that serious...


how stupid can i be...
to actually put myself in this condition...
crazy right?

anyway...
just hope for the best...
and ill be fine after taking the medication....

oh and taking about the med...
it SUCKS!...
i wud rather drink crushed panadol dissolve in water than the solution the doc prescribe....
the taste..
omg!...
cant be describe...

thank god im suffering on my own...
well sadly cuz of my fucking behaviour...
i had to worry my parents...


to my dearest hubby:
im sorry if im not honest...
but i dont want my health prob to add on with the prob ure alrd have to face...
i know in relationship we have to share..
but ill just tell u some other time kkzz...

i love u soo much!

i kept waiting but yet none came...
im not shock if u forget..

ive got nothing to say...

sat all day waiting...

while waiting..
i watch series after series...
all about wedding...

from the fabulous wedding diamonds...
to the perfect-princess wedding dress...
to the breath taking wedding location...

all girls dream of having since young...

a dream come true wedding!...

then comes the day...
the most memorable day that only comes once in a lifetime...

the day that brings friends and family to gather to see two individual becoming one..



how would mine be like ?
gosh!..

first and foremost...
i just want the most memorable proposal ever...
not need to be most romantic...

just the perfect location and setting would be good enough...

hmmm....
imagining mine...

would it ever be a reality?

its nearing 3am...
and i cant sleep...

having a MAJOR headache though...

hoping baby's already at angah's place..
but im sure i can doubt about it...
he's somewhere out there still...
hope he remembers he has school tmr..

and he shud know i dont like him to skip or miss classes..
oh well,
actually whats the pt of me saying it...
he wont listen to anything that i say anyway...

god knows y..

but then again,
he's all grown up..
he shud know the difference right...
matured enuf to know how ppl feel...

side track for awhile..
and to say matured enuf...
which boyfriend in the whole entire world wud actually allow his gf to be fingered by another guy infront of his own eyes...
wow!
im actually shocked at that time...
thats wht happen when its uncontrollable...

back to the previous part..

and what position do i have to say all that right...
who am i..
just a normal teenage gerl...
who loves her hubby so much and wants nothing to happen to him..
bt yet it falls onto deaf ears..


right now,
i seriously feel unhelpable...
i cant even make him feel atleast an "okay" after the incident...
instead i made it worst...

hung up on him when he said gdnite and he loves me...
y ?

i dont know actually..
suddenly my mind when blank..
and i was speechless..
well actually there's already tears...
but lets forget about that...
not impt anyway.

i just want him to be home!..
atleast i wont get toooo worried about him..
i know he may look fine..
but inside he's not..


he's with his frens now...
they shud know how to cheer him up...
i'll let him be for tonite.

sooo sadd!
first week of december...
and it started out with sore throat, terrible cough, flu and to fever..
gosh..
and next week is alrd term test.

what will happen esp with my head feeling like its on fire...
soo hot!!..

actually i am a very healthy girl..
since young..only once or twice i fall sick in 6mths maybe...
but eva since sec 4...
it became worst...

and the good part is...
it always come when quizes, test or exam are around the corner...
very smart rite?...

and i get headaches most of the time..
now...
panadol pills has no effect on me...
awesome!!!
how great can that sound....
gosh!..


ohh ohh....
mom just bought me PANADOL SOLUBLE...
the one that u put inside the water...
then it will dissolve....
cool as it sounds right...
i know i know...
ahahha..

sadly cant be found in spore...
well thats what mom said..
so yah...have to control taking them...

but the prob is...
the instruction said...
take 1-2tablets every 4-6hrs..
how to control ??
eat panadol also need to follow timing...
wth...

anyway...
now..
im on the road to recovery...
i hope..

but still sad..
baby dont want talk to me...
he said im stubborn..
='(...
i know he cares...
but im so sick..
and its the time when i easily get irritated even for the slightest problem..
wat more..
i dont have medicine at pt of time...
bt nw mom alrd bought them
and i followed wht he says alrd...
but he still dont want to talk to me...
great!

nvm...ill just wait...
may be sick...
but i will still wait for him...


while waiting...
im still thinking about one prob...
whats going on in my body?
i thought it came...
but it didnt..
then y did i bleed yesterday ??
though it was only a few drips..
but still!!!...
its my red blood cells we're talking about here...
*still wondering ..*



hmmm...
niwaes...
dont worry...
well, there is really nothing to worry about anyway...


im gonna play SIMS!..
taaa..