~mA'LadY atiKah~

2009-12-22T05:19:00.000-08:00

i want to repeat what i did today!!!!!

115 we were to gather at Blk 7 level 1 for the bus will be there...
board the bus and off we go..

and yeah!...
embarrasing enough we were sent to the wrong location...
ahahahhaha....
some club called Club CSC...

then we had to board the bus again
and this time...
yes! we reach HomeTeamNS...

we had a course at the air rifle shooting range...
we learn about the rules..
the ways to hold a rifle...
knowing ur master eye....
its real fun!...

after all that...
me syaza nad clement n hariz when for lunch by the pool cuz we had to wait 45mins for our turn..
and yes! we were late..
cuz buzy talking and laughing...

first we were taught on the aiming...
the front sight must be inside the rear sight...
and watever....
first go we were allowed to sit...
cuz we were just practicing on the aiming...

then comes the standing...
we were made to stand holding the rifle...
and seriously..
it was quite heavy okaY!...
the posture we were in...cud give back ache...
and its norm...
like wth!...

then yar...
we were allowed to shoot at our own time...

WHAT I HATE MOST:
the rifle keeps moving..
(well duh!)
but still...
its damn irritating...
alot of time i already aim at the black spot...
next thing i know it moves and i shot the white area...
seriously irritating!...

and the instructor told us not to take our breath when aiming...
wooahH!...
no body was able to do that...

its like though we didnt aim accurately...
but still...
its a very exciting experience..
and fir will be finding time after sem test...
for us to go another round...
CANT WAIT!!!...

enough of all the excitement...
the 2 busy days are here...

Wed:
10Am-ASc meeting...
12Pm- Plan to meet nad for PS...(not confirm)
6Pm-Christmas Party at Clement's
Gonna be AWESOMMEE!!!...
with secret SANTA!!!

hmmm...wondering still...
shud i overnite at his house ?

thurs:
9Am- Appointment with doc
12Pm- Training with Abg Amin
performance for TP OPEN HOUSE in like 2WEEKZ!!..
8Pm- Gathering at Kakak's house....
every year thing....
will always end at 3-4Am...
they loveee toooo PARRTYY!!!...
but only with family...
heheh...

friday-sunday:
Pahang trip!!!...
hope staying in hotel instead of resort!!!

the start of sch....
28, 29 30- training at 6 till late...

DAMN TIRING MAN MY LIFE!!!

what i feel ???
excited yet disappointed...
im really excited about the parties and the training...
for we the SNTians will be performing again...
and need to do our group proud....

however...
disappointed cuz all my plans are ruin!..
destroyed!...
and no body knows how sad i feel..

ive plan for weeks
and yes! nearly cried when everything had to be crushed and push to later dates...
god knows when will that be...

pa...
ive made today special reserved for u...
u promised to fetch me...
i guess u forgot...
but nevermind...
lets just get it over with..

tmr ill be busy...
if only nadiah cant meet me..
then i can spent 6hrs with u...
but u know 6hrs is not enough right...

well i cant blame u...
cuz its all my fault..

im the buzy one...

and yes...
thursday was suppose to be the day we go for cycling....
and all...
but i had to cancel it
cuz last minute i had training...
im sorry!...

argh!...
im gonna stop here...
no point talking.

2009-12-20T09:48:00.000-08:00

2am.

awake.

n waiting.

nothing.

total silent.

continue waiting.

till the day the voice just ask one final question.

no chances.

2009-12-20T03:58:00.000-08:00

i need a break..

and i mean..
a fun exciting break...doing new sports
or maybe just hang out..chill and relax..

my weekend havent been a great one..
im bored at home..
suffocating though breathing..

well today atleast i when out..
though for a short while...

went to tamp1...
alone..
just to get the auntie annie's...
i think its called pretzel ???...

bought my fav..
cinnamon sugar..
ahahaha...
and also choco eclair...
bought it for someone..
but didnt manage to pass it..

~so close yet still so far~

thats how i describe it...

niway...
its over...
next thing i knew..

i was already waiting for 87..
hmm...

soon as i reach...
the washrm is the first place i visit..

thought its slowly curing...
but...
nothing seems to change..
well except that now there's no blood...
thats all...
hish...
till when should i suffer this uncomfortable feeling...

just waiting for the result this thursday...

now??...
now im just waiting for one thing..
just one txt...
thats all...

but i know i have to wait forever for it to come...

whats going through that person's mind right know?

hmm...

i miss him
hope he knows it and feels it too

2009-12-15T01:57:00.000-08:00

gosh!...
i never expected this to happen in my body...
seriously....

this is soo yy i never like going to the clinic...

i remember how stubborn i was...

once, i was in sec 3..
it was like a week before the final exam..
i had very high fever...
about 40++..
i couldnt lift my body..
i was bloody hot...
2 days pass yet i did even go to the clinic...
temp didnt decrease...
dad forced me up and met the doc...
and guess what the doc said...

"we have to sent u to the hospital, temp too hot" and other bull shit...
well yar i insist not to..
so he gave me antibiotics...

side track..i learn that taking antibiotics often actually causes ur normal flora to be disturb...
and that causes opportunistic pathogen( u know those disease causing bacteria)...

anyway yar i took it...
had to..
i wud prefer going to school rather than lay down at home waiting for death...

since then...
i dare not fall sick..
as in having major fever...
only minor flu, cough and sore throat...
thats all...
and not forgetting my favourite..
headaches...

so yar...it was quite long since ive when to the clinic...
till today..

for the pass 1 week...
ive been suffering quite badly...
seriously...
the pain was unbearable...
everytime i visit the toilet...
it just hurts...
and yeah...to add on to the pain...
there were blood dripping..

first time i felt it..
the blood was like damn alot...
if u were to saw it..
im sure u urself wud be scared...

but slowly it becomes just drip by drip..

slowly come to an end..
however...
didnt know it would come again...

start all over...
the pain...
then comes the bleeding..

gosh...

so cuz it brought along other problems to my body...
mom forced to visit the doc..

and yah..
couldnt take it any longer...
i when along with her decision...

the doc ask me the one and only thing that i never told strangers about...
not even my friends nor my fam..

thank god dad didnt follow me in...
or else...

she asked: "have u had any sexual intercourse?"

wow!...in all ques!...

after all the unnecessary talk..
she told me to come back for some lab test...

hmmm...
hope its not that serious...

how stupid can i be...
to actually put myself in this condition...
crazy right?

anyway...
just hope for the best...
and ill be fine after taking the medication....

oh and taking about the med...
it SUCKS!...
i wud rather drink crushed panadol dissolve in water than the solution the doc prescribe....
the taste..
omg!...
cant be describe...

thank god im suffering on my own...
well sadly cuz of my fucking behaviour...
i had to worry my parents...

to my dearest hubby:
im sorry if im not honest...
but i dont want my health prob to add on with the prob ure alrd have to face...
i know in relationship we have to share..
but ill just tell u some other time kkzz...

i love u soo much!

2009-12-12T23:31:00.000-08:00

i kept waiting but yet none came...
im not shock if u forget..

ive got nothing to say...

sat all day waiting...

while waiting..
i watch series after series...
all about wedding...

from the fabulous wedding diamonds...
to the perfect-princess wedding dress...
to the breath taking wedding location...

all girls dream of having since young...

a dream come true wedding!...

then comes the day...
the most memorable day that only comes once in a lifetime...

the day that brings friends and family to gather to see two individual becoming one..

how would mine be like ?
gosh!..

first and foremost...
i just want the most memorable proposal ever...
not need to be most romantic...

just the perfect location and setting would be good enough...

hmmm....
imagining mine...

would it ever be a reality?

2009-12-03T10:20:00.000-08:00

its nearing 3am...
and i cant sleep...

having a MAJOR headache though...

hoping baby's already at angah's place..
but im sure i can doubt about it...
he's somewhere out there still...
hope he remembers he has school tmr..

and he shud know i dont like him to skip or miss classes..
oh well,
actually whats the pt of me saying it...
he wont listen to anything that i say anyway...

god knows y..

but then again,
he's all grown up..
he shud know the difference right...
matured enuf to know how ppl feel...

side track for awhile..
and to say matured enuf...
which boyfriend in the whole entire world wud actually allow his gf to be fingered by another guy infront of his own eyes...
wow!
im actually shocked at that time...
thats wht happen when its uncontrollable...

back to the previous part..

and what position do i have to say all that right...
who am i..
just a normal teenage gerl...
who loves her hubby so much and wants nothing to happen to him..
bt yet it falls onto deaf ears..

right now,
i seriously feel unhelpable...
i cant even make him feel atleast an "okay" after the incident...
instead i made it worst...

hung up on him when he said gdnite and he loves me...
y ?

i dont know actually..
suddenly my mind when blank..
and i was speechless..
well actually there's already tears...
but lets forget about that...
not impt anyway.

i just want him to be home!..
atleast i wont get toooo worried about him..
i know he may look fine..
but inside he's not..

he's with his frens now...
they shud know how to cheer him up...
i'll let him be for tonite.

2009-12-02T05:38:00.000-08:00

sooo sadd!
first week of december...
and it started out with sore throat, terrible cough, flu and to fever..
gosh..
and next week is alrd term test.

what will happen esp with my head feeling like its on fire...
soo hot!!..

actually i am a very healthy girl..
since young..only once or twice i fall sick in 6mths maybe...
but eva since sec 4...
it became worst...

and the good part is...
it always come when quizes, test or exam are around the corner...
very smart rite?...

and i get headaches most of the time..
now...
panadol pills has no effect on me...
awesome!!!
how great can that sound....
gosh!..

ohh ohh....
mom just bought me PANADOL SOLUBLE...
the one that u put inside the water...
then it will dissolve....
cool as it sounds right...
i know i know...
ahahha..

sadly cant be found in spore...
well thats what mom said..
so yah...have to control taking them...

but the prob is...
the instruction said...
take 1-2tablets every 4-6hrs..
how to control ??
eat panadol also need to follow timing...
wth...

anyway...
now..
im on the road to recovery...
i hope..

but still sad..
baby dont want talk to me...
he said im stubborn..
='(...
i know he cares...
but im so sick..
and its the time when i easily get irritated even for the slightest problem..
wat more..
i dont have medicine at pt of time...
bt nw mom alrd bought them
and i followed wht he says alrd...
but he still dont want to talk to me...
great!

nvm...ill just wait...
may be sick...
but i will still wait for him...

while waiting...
im still thinking about one prob...
whats going on in my body?
i thought it came...
but it didnt..
then y did i bleed yesterday ??
though it was only a few drips..
but still!!!...
its my red blood cells we're talking about here...
*still wondering ..*

hmmm...
niwaes...
dont worry...
well, there is really nothing to worry about anyway...

im gonna play SIMS!..
taaa..

2009-11-17T07:23:00.000-08:00

the only things i can say:

if only u knew how much i love u...
if only u knew how much i care for u..
if only u knew how much u mean to me...
if only u knew..

nothing else would ever matters.

but maybe some things are not meant to be...

2009-11-15T05:56:00.000-08:00

its our baby's one month!!!

one month ago papa gave mama FIFI...
it was a present to comfort mama after a fight that lasted longer than other fights...
nearly ended our days...
but
we managed to prevent...

he's our lovely, our darlink, our most adorable BABY!..

both papa mama lovee euu!!..
MUACKKZ!..

im sooo loving my 2 babies....

oh and pa..
the pics on friday i sent to ur hotmail..
check it out aites..
hehehe..

2009-11-14T04:36:00.000-08:00

too tired yesterday that i only manage to blog today...
ahhahahaha...

yest was my BEST DAY eva!..
im serious!...

its been two months, we the SNTian have been practicing our dance step just for one special night..
'CCN day: Dreams 2 Celebration for cause'

two months just for a 4mins show...
i didnt even realise that until yesterday...

for the past few weeks..
we really trained hard and perservered...
all the scoldings and all the screamings..
nearly ended my time with them...
but patience and hardwork..
thats all is required!..

yesterday...
we gathered in the room at 1230...
we had out costume and makeup on..
for about 4 HOURS!...
ahahhahahaha...
just makeup okay..
and damn i nearly fall asleep when abg was putting makeup on me..
tired lah seh!..

hmmm...
then it was time!...
backstage my heart was pumpin damn fast...
it was my FIRST time on stage dancing malay dance okay!..
gosh!..
i freaked out when the indian group ended..
but because of nisa..i cool down...
and yeah i wanna do my best...

cuuuuuuzzzzzz....
baby and angah was among the audience!!!...
ahahahah...

all the way doing the dance i didnt miss any steps
however there was a part fad missed hers and made me look like i was the one who forgotten my step...
it was when we faced the background and the four of us were on the knees..

and yeah what im most proud of was that i was able to smile!!...
ahahahhahaha....
it was like bam! the smile was there..
past few days during rehersal, i keep getting screamed at cuz of not smiling...
and I DID IT!..
ahahhahaa...

maybe becuz i already promised to my onenonly baby that i'll smile for him...
and yeah!..he LOVE IT!....
im touched when he said those words...

after the show..
abg allows us to go and meet our friends and fam for about 30mins...

soo i rannn towards them once i saw baby...
anyway he already told me where they were sitting so it was easy...
i really felt like a kindergarten kid who just ended sch and running towrds her parents..
seriously...
and baby still can think its cute ?
gosh!..

i gave them BIIIGGG HUGGG!!..
no words can actually express my feelings...
toooooo touched that they actually came down all the way just to see me perform...
aaawww!!...
lobb u guys many2!!...
took a few pics wib them...

then we had to go separate ways....
although it was only a few minutes meeting my baby and i missh himm soooo damn much...
but still...
it was enuf for yesterday....
im meeting him again on friday for nyp production and tues(maybe! cuz i end at 2)...

babyy!...
im sorie i didnt get to celebrate ur bday together due to rehersal..
it was really sad for me seh cuz i wasnt there when u had ur bday surprise...
gosh!..
we'll find a day to make up for it aites ?
and im glad u enjoyed the dance...
really put in a lot of effort into it..
hehe..

anyways...
i need to go off...
have maths to do..
and also need to upload the pics..
stupid comp it keeps telling me "upload error"...

P.S. i love euu baby!...
MUACKZ!...

2009-10-31T22:02:00.000-07:00

HAISH!!...

god knows how painful my heart is...
no matter what i do...
i just cant stop it from flowing...

WAT DID I DO THAT I HAVE TO FACE THIS?
WHICH PART WAS MY FAULT?

im already all prepared..
got the dress ready...
the shoe at the door step..
all waiting for me to put them on...

but it all ends up putting them back into the closet..

it was all because of a stupid unreasonable reason!..

mami's fwen decided to use the car..
and fucking enuf she allows...

I AM PISSED ABT IT!!...

but what did i do that suddenly change ur mind not meeting me ??
just because u cant use the car ???

GOSH!!!!

heart really pain arhh!!

even if there's no car..
cANt u just meet me?

i miisss euu!!!

argh!..
fuck lah...

thanks arh mami...
*applaused*

2009-10-31T06:43:00.000-07:00

baby!..

i love euu
with all my heart

yes i do!
no matter wat we're facing...
no matter how bz i cud be...
no matter how temperamental u are...
no matter how many fights we alrd had...
i still want to stick with euu!

i have been testing ur patience..
but i hope ur love for me is still strong...
and i know it is...

thanks baby!...
for everything
esp FIFI!...

he's my savior

nearly deaf hearing my screams..
gets wet shoulders when i cry..
breathless everytime i hug...
blushes till red when i kiss...

yet he never push me away!..

he's where i go to when i miss u sooo much...
(more like a 2nd papa, only that he's OUR baby)
gosh!..
ahahha

im talking like as if he's a real baby
arent i ?
ahahhaa...
i just love him so much, that's all...

but i love u much MUCH MORE!!...
and i miss euu..
MUACKZ!

2009-10-15T08:38:00.000-07:00

PAPA bought for MAMA teddy bearr!!!..
our baby boy's name......FIFI!!!
woohooo!!..
follow papa's name..
baby kesygan papa lah kn..

anyyway!...

the reason of FIFI's presence...

fought all night..

pa..i know u love me soo much..

but plzz dont be too jealouss..

and yeahh...

guess wT..

I WONT LEAVE EUU NO MATTER WAT...

CUZ I KNOW U TOO DONT WANT ME TO LET GO!..

pa...i love uu soo muchh...

if u keep saying someone out there is better than u...

and can love me the way im supposed to..

it will really hurt me and the relationship alot..

im serious..

cuzz there no one out there is better than EUU!..

in the morn..

we continued!!!!!

it was like

DAMMIT!!!

for god sakkee...

bt still...we met each otherr...

and fought on the phone just to find the bloody 7eleven!!

bt gueesss watt!..

upon reaching...

papa present mama...FIFI !!!!!...

our BABY!!

i was soooo touuchhedd!!!...

and it made me cry!..

all that fighting and ur nonsense of wanting to break up...

really disappoint me alot..

but athough after all that..

u still gave me a bear just to say soorrriiee!!!

awww!! just to show how much u love me..

maner tak cryy oiii!!!..

and this is FIFI!!

2009-10-06T03:53:00.000-07:00

baby..
sometimes i can really get confused...
dont understand whats going on..

one moment u are the guy i fell in love with...
ur jokes.
ur laugh.
ur smile.
they just brightens up my day..

but the next moment..
u become moody ??
papa..plz pa..
if mama have done something wrong..
tell mama..
so that mama can actually know what i did that made u angry...

i dont want u to be all moody and upset everytime...
talk to me kzz pa if u have anything in ur mind..
i love euu so muuch!
and i know u do too..

2009-10-05T04:10:00.000-07:00

its been ages since i last blogged.
and maybe this could be my last post.

i kept on hurting ppl for no reasons.
it hurts me even more cuz they are my lovelies.
esp towards him.

i never meant to do all that.

but maybe its just me.
no matter how hard i try to prevent,
i still keep on hurting.

i know hes reaching his limits.
im very sure of that.

the way he talk.
the way he look.
im sure hes really hurt deep inside.
even made him shed tears.
but never once when we fought he stopped saying he loves me.

he still gives me the warmest hugs.
the sweetest smiles.
the perfect kisses.

having the sense of security whenever he holds my hand tightly.

i should be grateful to have him by my side.
and i am.
hes my onenonly.
i hope he knows how much i love him.
i miss him soo dearly.
i never meant to hurt him.

i shall stop here.
to me,
writing never show the writers true feelings.
and people tend to misunderstand.

baby,iLOVEeuuVERYYMUCH!!
if only u were with me right now...

2009-09-25T02:17:00.000-07:00

hey im back..
its been a long time..
till i cant even recall when i last touch this laptop...

hmm..
the thing is..
ive been very very buzy lately..
and will continue being very buzy till..
hmmm....term break ???

maybe not even term break..
cuz during term break last june/july...
had to study..
run up and down school...

seems like i dont have much time to spend with my lovelies..

oh well..
from now till the week before school start...
my days are already filled with activities..
wat more when school starts...
god knows if i even have time to breath..

want to know why am i soo bz eventhough im still a freshie ??

cuuuzzzz..

im in Kesenian Si Anak Tari and Applied Science Studies Club...
two main CCAs...

one from Arts group..
while the other is a school club...
have to hold the school name!
and im proud to be in that club...

im now A SUB COMM!!!...

anyway..
in a mth plus time....
on 13 nov..
there will be a production...
have to dance 2-3 songs...

need to put alot of concentration to the steps...
abg put it his best to come up with the steps..
we have to do our best and make abg proud!!

soo yeah...
training!! training!! training!!

bt cant forget my other main cca too..

tmr at 6pm need to be in school..
leaving at 615 for kranji turf club...

at 7pm till 12am..
120 students will be packing goodie bags for the participants..

from 12am to 5am..
FREE TIME!!
what am i gonna do??
hmmm...
read my BTD(basic theory of driving)book maybe..if nt sleepy lah...

omg! talking abt this..
i forgot to pack my stuffs...
aaaahhhh..

gtgg!!..

BUUTT WAITTT!!..

eventhough bz...
but cant forget this special person...
MY BABY!!

baby..i love u sooo muuchhh...
and i know u know..
u're my one n only...
i maybe sensitive to uu..
bt i hope u dont take it to heart..
u're just tooo precious to me...
cant lose uu...

I LOVE EUU ! I MISS EUU !
MUACKKZZ!

2009-09-17T21:18:00.000-07:00

I may not get to see you as often as I like.

I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night.

But deep in my heart I truly know,

you're the one that I love, and I can't let you go.

2009-09-12T14:20:00.000-07:00

alangkah baiknyer jikalau dikau tahu apa yang tersirat di dalam isi hati ku...
betapa hebatnya cinta dan sayang ku kepada mu...

tapi kini ku tidak dapat memaafkan diri ku kerna telah menyakiti hati mu...
disebabkan diri ku, kau kecewa...
disebabkan diri ku, kau terluka...

ku tahu ku tak sepatut berbuat sedemikian...
ku tahu ku sepatutnya berterus terang...
tapi adakah itu mesti jikalau alasan ku simpan perkara itu jadi satu rahsia adalah ku tak ingin kau memikir tentangnya...

ku pernah alami situasi yang sama...
telah ku beri tahu apa yang ku hadapi kepadanya...

iaitu...
ayah dan ibu ku tak setuju dengan perhubungan kami...
mati-matian mereka mahu kami berpisah...

dan disebabkan perbuatan bodoh ku itu...
ku nyaris-nyaris kehilangan orang yang amat ku cintai..

ku tak mahu perkara sebegitu berulang lagi...
ku tak sanggup melepaskan diri mu...

ku pinta kepada mu...
maafkan lah kesilapan ku...

2009-09-12T08:19:00.000-07:00

ommgg!!...
im soo tired...
or what papa like to use.."shagged"..
ahhahaha
cute!

one after another..
not a single day i sat at home quitely..

monday when out with papa!!..
guess wat..
i cant remember where we went..
been very buzy lah..
and yeah..i admit..
getting old tooo..

tuesday..
hmm...
wat did i do ???
*trying to recall*

ouh yes!..
sent bro to HTA at CCK..
he's in police..*BLUEK!!*
left home at 7..
took the bus to AMK then train..
well its just to waste time..
was about to watch the performances when bro called us..
had to sent him to CMPB..
damn uu!..
nvm..dec still got chance..

then at nite...
papa came to my house..
buke together..
well actually it was more of a force..
mami didnt want him to break fast alone..
anak orang oii!..

then want to enter the house alsoo want to shy2...
wth!..
mami already say...next time come dont be shy..
remember that!!

then come wednesday and thursday..
the two most wonderful most memoriable days ever..
made new fwens.LOVELY!!..
they were great..
talk more about it in the next post aites..

ouh and on thurs itself..
receive the SMS service for sem exam...
IM SOOOOOOO PROOUDD OFF MEESELFF!!!...

Maths-Dist
Biochem, Organic Chem, PIPC (inorganic chem) - A
HAP- B+
CSAS- B
APEL (somewhat like CME)- Pass

well most shocking would be Biochem..
how did i manage to get A..
i totally screwed up section B..
out of 4 ques..only ans 2..
ahahha..
others left COMPLETELY BLANK!!..

forget about it..
it's done! and i already scored,
so wth..

on friday, which was yesterday...
when out with the loveliess..
erfa, eera, ita, tiqah and nad...
all the way we keep talking crappy shit..
and yeah..
they kept repeating the same thing to me...

"Maner nurul yang kiter kenal dulu..yg quiet, tak join in biler bobal konek? Serious kau dah berubah sak."
ok let me translate..
they said that im no longer my old self..the quiet innocent one who dont join in when they talk about the dirty stuffs...

hishh!..
IM STILL ME LAH PPL
IM STILL THE GOOD INNOCENT NURUL !!
im sure even papa agree..
ahahahha
right papa ???...
confirm he's nodding...

then at 8, ita's fwens join us..
we walked ard the bazaar then
the guys decided to go karaoke..
so yeah..
we when grandlink complex..
GEREEKK LAH SEHH WITH THEM!!..
can CLICK so EASILY!..

i realise that when i want to be friends with a stranger..
is by doing any activity together...
seriously..
if u just let me and the stranger talk..
we will never click..
not that fast lah...
firstly cuz no topic..
secondly like mami say...im choosy when picking fwens (am i? hmm..)

oh and also..
during the karaoke session..
i realise..
i cannot sing with mic..
ahahahha
dunnow whyy...

then today...
when out with fam and cuzzy...
went to masjid sultan..

did not but tiramisu...
='( *crying*..

but papa said on sat maybe we going masjid sultan..
after fetching me from dance prac..
just to buy a small cup of tiramisu ehk...
THANKS PA!!

okay..
then went to TKC..

at the Blous shop..
me and mami had an arguement..
god knows wht we were arguing about..
i cant be bothered to listen..

went to the shop just becuz wanted to find a top...
i have the skirt..
cuz thanks to my F***ing maid..
she lost my top..
it cost half her one month salary okay!..
if i was to ask her to pay back for the whole set..
i think she would faint..
cuz the last time mami ask her to search for the top and she couldnt find it...
she cried like someone just died..
ARRRGHHH!!..
fedup seh with that maid..

anyway..continue..
instead of buying the top only..
i bought the whole set..
cheaper..
and its BROWWN!!..
LOVING IT!..

then when to Yasmin..
bought another 2 sets...
one green one red...

PA! if one of the colors are the same..
in which is impossible..
cuz if it is...thats just coincidence..
IM NOT KAYPO-ing okay!..

after all that hunting for baju kurong..
we went dinner at Yong Tau Fu at changi rd..
then home!!..

here i am..
updating this blog of mine...

wow!..
i just wrote an essay...
ahahha

i'll end here now..
tmr then i'll post about my camp aites...
chaos..

p.s. i LOVE euu!

2009-09-06T01:52:00.000-07:00

there's nothing to blog about..
DUHH!..
nothing happen when u just sit at home doing nothing..

YYEAAHHH!!!...

MEETING PAPA TOMORROW...
MISHHH PAPA SOO MUCHH SEHH..

anyway..
papa fetching mama from hommeee!!!..
well cuz papa also have to sent the sleeping bag to mama's house..
soo yeah..

LOBBB PAPA SOO MUCHH!..
thankk EUU!!..

2009-09-03T20:40:00.000-07:00

in the school library now..
dont feel like going home straight..
anyway there's nothing to do at home..
except staring at the TV screen...

purpose of coming to school:
sent the camp consent form.
that's all.
ouh and accompany the guys in the library..
soo yeah...

hmmm...
im actually quite worried..
baby not replying to any of my msges..
haishh...
sleeping ??...

bii, im really sorrie abt yest nite..
didnt mean to hang up like that..
gosh!...
if only u knew...
how much i mishh euu...
='(

im out!
АЃικАћ

2009-09-03T06:43:00.000-07:00

weee...
im sooo freaking bored actually..
but no worries...
my buzy schedule is on its way...

next weekk!!..
bz bz...
i mean it..
seriously...

monday- out with my onenonly
tuesday- send bro somewhere arh...he's gonnaa be serving NS under police...
(hate it!!)..
wednesday n thursday- going 2D1N ASc CAMP '09...wooohoo..
cant wait..
gonna be reeaaallyy funn!!..
but sad2..cant bring phone along..
sooo baby gonna MIISHH mEE soo MUCHHY!
lastly, friday- meeting with the ladies...
the probability of breaking fast at geylang is like 99.99999%...
(shhsh! but tell u what..only god knows y me n geylang can never click.)

and soo yeah..thats gonna be next week schedule..
the following week will be buzy with Hari Raya preparation..
and talking abt Hari Raya..
guess wat!...
i HAVE NOT bought my baju kurong yet..
waaahhh!!..

soo LECEH!!..
confirm need go geylang...
*pengsan*

i actually wanted to upload the pics lovelies took yesterday...
me irin farfar and iyanti broke fast at Popeye at airport..
but too bad..
there's error on page..
hmm..

anywayy!..
tmmrr!!..
NO CAAMPP BRIEFINGG!! hurray! can sleep after sahur...
but meeting the others at concourse at 9..
after that...
MAYYBBEE..
meeting my onenonly...
i rreeally miishh hymm okay!..
love hhym soo mucchyy..
ƒΐŔ–АťiĶaH

okey deh!..
im outz!..
MUACCKKZ!

confused about?

2009-08-31T03:10:00.000-07:00

EHEM!*clearing throat*
Dear, what are you confused about?
Me,You,Us,Him?
tell me...i will be your listening ears..
tell me about anything..i dont mind..
=)
if you want us to be friends like before, i am ready to oblige as long your are happy.=)
because i love you.i am ready to sacrifice.

FIFI.

2009-08-31T00:57:00.000-07:00

have i or have i not...

im still confused with myself..

no wait..

im not..

i dont think soo...

gosh!

some things are better not to be say out or written down..

neither it is to be heard by others..

time will tell..

-hush hush-

i love u muhd firdaus

i really really do..

*huggs n kissess*

2009-08-29T05:50:00.000-07:00

dear bloggy...
i love myself soo much right nooww...

yesterday something special happened..
and i cant forget about it..
cuz i simply love it...

hmmm...lets start...

met firr!! at 2...
cuz he when prayers at mauwaddah...

his 2nd motive is also to fetch me..
ahahha...right3 ??....

we left for orchard..
singapore is too small yet big...
18 years living in this country..
seems like i've went everywhere...

so yeah..we when orchard..
we stop at dhoby ghaut...
then walk all the way to orchard...

its reeeeeeeaaaaalllllyyy fuuun to have him around..
born to be noisy is it bii ??
but still..i love it..

we then went to the new shopping centre..
nope its not ions..its orchard something...
beside robinsons..
we check out the place..
its real modernized!...
classy...

we went all the way upp...
at level 7 or 6..we went outside...
the view was magnificient..
what more..it was quite...

he wanted my cam...
i gave..
deng enuf..he only took my pic...
then when i took a pic of my reflection..
said i was cam-whoring...
im like...HEELLOO!!..girlls mahh!!!

anyway...
we then walk walk to paragon...
to taka..
gave up walking...
chill for a while at taka..
then i thought of going marina...
but naahh!...desided not tooo..
soo we went vivo instead..

arrive at vivoo...
we went all the way up and out to the outdoor area..
u knoow the place where there's a soo called "pool"...
yup2..
we sat at the shelter area...
right at the toooopp....
ahahah...

we just chill..
talk crap...bullshit..
well, as alwayysss....
then fight fight...
god knows what the heck we fighting about..

one moment we can be sweet to each other...
next..abit violent..
well..esp me..
ahahha
dont know how he could actually tolerate my attitude...
hmmm..
still wondering...

nvm...most impt thing wasss....
there was one moment...
and the moment i will never forget...

he was sitting beside me...
but decided to sit a level down...
soo sat facing up to me...
he wanted to ask something..
but too shy...
soo he sms...
ahahha....
but yar..wasnt romantic at all..
so decided not to respond...

told him to speak up...
cud see he tried to braven up..
took my hand..but...still..
too shy..
wat the heckk!...

in the end...
he whispered..
aahhahhahahah
i still remember his exact word...
"i know who am i..i have nothing to offer you right now...but my heart..
i love u soo much...are u willing to me more than a syg ?"...

i wass sooo freaking touch although it was not romantic...
like AT ALL..
but still...
i dont care...

and yeahh!..
i gave him a kiss..

read properly..
it was MEEEE who gave the first kiss..
im still shock with myself...
cant believe i did that..
and the consequence..
broke my fast...
thanks!...
another reason was..
he tempt me..
ahahha

im HIS now!!..
shhhsss..
blloggy shudd not tell any human being!!..

then we had a fightt..
funny rite..
just got together..
already in a fight..
well its not a fight lar..
its becuz of me alsoo..

in one day...
u can ask him how many times i gave him a slap..
countless..
righhtt ayg..

and yeah then donnoe what was in my brain...
i hit his head..
he was mad..
IIIMMM REAAAALLYY SOORRIIIEE AYYG!!..
ii tak sengajer..

well at first he didnt accept the appology..
soo.i act lah..
step angry..
(padahal aku yg carik pasal)...

but he still went after me..

i dont know hoooowww he cann tolerate it sehh!..
i made him veryy irritatedd...
mess up his hair..
slap him..
(ps..he thought he cud make me irritated..he LOST)
i made him angry..
but yet...
he patiently control himself...
wow!!!..
all the more i will love uu ayg...

at last we had a drink at starbuck..
then left for home..
sent mee all the way to my level..
soo sweet of euuu...
*touchhed*

sooo yarr...
thats all..

AYGG!..I LOVE EUU SOO MUCH..
AND I MISHH EUU...
hehe..
THANKS FOR EVERYTHING...
FROM BEING SOO PATIENT...
TO LOVING ME with SOO MUCH LOVE...

and yeshh i cant wait till 28 SEPTEMBER..
triple happiness for me...
first..MY 18 BIRTHDAY...
second...OUR 1ST MONTH..
third...i think IM GONNA GO AND START LEARNING HOW TO DRIVEE!!!...
WOOOHHHHOOOOOO...

2009-08-21T02:09:00.000-07:00

haishh..
i didnt mean to hurt uu DeaRDeaR..

i want to talk to u...
if i was given the freedom n time..
i want to talk to u from dusk to dawn...

once..twice...
i didnt call u..
god knows why..
i felt like i missh talking to uu..

do u feel it too ??
or maybe was it just me ???...

im really sorrieee...

the first time...
i didnt know u would wait for my msg...
checking ur phone every hr till 6 am...
u should have actually msg mmee again!!!!...

n the second time..
u waited till 1 for my call...???
i fell asleep waiting for ur msg...
goshh!....

ive been really tired lately...
im really sorriee!!!
i felt real bad for making u wait...

hmm...
i dont know what with me...

its only going to be the 2 mths sgl this 10 sept...
and im already contacting with another guy for the past few weeks...???

gosh nurul..
what happen to uu...

have i really forget about him???
have i really move on ??
or am i just using fifi ???

nooo...
nooo wayy...
i not using anyone to forget anyone.!!

fifi...if only u knew what i feel for uu....
every time u say that u love me...
i felt touched...

but never i thought that i too could fall for it....
thought i was strong enuf to resist uu..
resist the power of all those words...
i kept telling myself not to have false hope...
for i was scared they are just another lie...

but...
in the end...
its still uu i want...

baby ur the sweetest, the craziest, the nottie yet goodie type...

for the first time..
i fall for ur crappiness...
i fall for ur bullshitness...
i fall for ur craziness...

slowly..without myself realising....
i fell in love with ur nottie yet good boii attitude...
i fell in love with ur faithful heart...
i fell in love with ur loyalty towards me...
i fell in love with ur patience...

DeaRDeaR....

Mianhada
Saranghanda....

ive said it...
im not gonna say it again..

its up to u to believe it or not...

2009-08-18T06:41:00.000-07:00

i dont know y i feel incomplete...
a feeling whereby....somethings amiss..

even i dont know wht is it....

nvm..forget it....
maybe sometimes....u just have to wait till time tell its story....

anyway..
EXAMS COMING IN 1 DAY...

wow!!...what more...it is the
SEMESTRAL EXAMINATION!!...
die die must excel..
or else....
--------------------------------

gosh!!...dont want to sit for supplementary exam!!..
its gonna be very troublesome studying over again things that i hate..

like lloyd said...

what ever u want to do..u still have to pass it...
cuz if u hate the sub...u pass it..the sub is over...
if u hate and fail..then u have to suffer all over again...

but if u love the sub..all the more u should pass with flying colors..

hmmm..

good advice lloyddy!!..
(oh fyi..lloyd is my Biochemistry Lecturer)

anyway....

YOU CAN DO IT NURUL!!..
u studied..u did everything u could..

JUST DON'T BLACKOUT!!!...

hehe..

enough of studies...

hmmm...
im wondering what is he doing now....

havent reply to my msg yet..

gosh!.hope he's still not shagged after long hours of working.....

nvm....
maybe ard 12 he'll reply...
just wait n see...

well hey...
guess what...
dont need to wait..
here comes the reply...
wooohooo...

ahahha..

ok im off..
chaos!!...

2009-08-14T09:05:00.000-07:00

i dont know why am i soo angry talking to u today....

i have this really irritated feeling....

is it because of jealousy ???

but that's impossible...

i dont love u...

neither u're mine...

was it because u were too tired that u keep saying vulgars ??

maybee..

although they were not shot at me..

but seriously...

if u're me..and the other party keeps flowing vulgars just because he is sooo damn tired...

wud u like it ??

maybe its just me....

i never like people saying vulgars unecesserily...

it just make people think lowly of uu...

gosh!...

im really sorie...

my tone really didnt sound enthu n cheery...

gosh...

nvm!...

i cant be bothered...

all i know we're just friends...

2009-08-13T07:27:00.000-07:00

i dont know should i cry or should i be happy instead..

we are just friends...

i gave u my no...
yes i did..

we greet morning to each other...
we msg every break...
we talk every nite...

and i agree..
i love ur accompany..
u're a great friend...

but u told me u love me ???
yyy ??
yy do u fall for my personality ??

u call me syg..
u call me baby..

my mistake for not stopping...

and today...

u want me to believe u that u actually really love me ???

pllzzz....

dont ruin the friendship..

thats all i ask for...

i dont want the same story to repeat twice...

i lost one friend....

dont make me lose uu..

:'(...

omg!!...i can't believe it...

yyy...

how can this happen...

im praying sooo much...

all that u say are just words that doesnt mean anything...

and hoping its true...

let our friendship last longg kzz deardear...

2009-07-31T07:29:00.000-07:00

life have been really painful for me...

3 months ago...
i made a new friend..

everything went so well that is just like a dream come true..
we talked..
we met..
we laughed...
we joked...
we fell for each other..

less than a month later..
we became one..
those early days filled with lots of love and passion...
never will i ever erase them from my memories...
days became weeks...

once...
we were fighting strongly together..
my parents wanted us to be separated...
and we manage to pulled through...

that was when
i learn courage...
i learn patience...
i learn to understand one's heart...
i felt love...

however...
weeks only became a month...

never did i realised..
our days were coming to an end...
it was already at the verge of the cliff..

non stop fighting..
misunderstanding..
little time for each other...

i was in my fantasy...
deeply in love...
but yet again...
i failed to save it...

i never knew what was it about..
never knew the reason why...
why when i needed the presence most...
why when i needed the love most...
why when i needed the care n support most..
and the questions are still left not answered...

left..
left my heart shattered..

i tried to forget the name...
i tried to forget the face...
i tried to forget the touch...
i tried to forget the days...
i tried...

one after another...
it just doesnt stop..

now i lost a pearl...
it hurts terribly this time...

the pearl means dearly to me...
i put the word trust on it..
i treasured it for few years now...

however..
nothing stays forever..

becuz of me...
becuz of my words..
becuz of my inconsiderations..
i accidentally scratched the pearl...

i realised i was selfish..
i was jealous..
but..
i should have stepped down...
and allow everthing...

i was already a nobody..
who am i to stop...

but i cant bear the pain...
i had to...
i trusted it sooo much...

and now i dont know what to do...
how do i face it...

im confused!...

i miss those days...

i miss my pearl...

tears keep flowing...

heart still aching...

what do i do...

three questions constantly being asked...
and wanting the answer soo much...
-have u deleted me ?
-why do u hate me so much ?
is it becuz i hurt u..or is it becuz i hurt her ??

-why did u do this to me when
u know i still have feelings for him ???

2009-07-24T23:15:00.001-07:00

mixed feelings...

i dont know whether i should just give in, give up or something.

firstly..i still have feelings for u..

but why did u do this to me...
WHY!!..

u said i made u lost trust in girls...
unable to trust them just like what hapen 5 years ago..

but what did i do.

i started loving u..
in the end it was u who decided to separate.
im confused.

u thought i was different but in the end im just the same as the other girls ??
gosh!..
u seriously never thought of what i feel deep inside..

and now ur having a brother sister bond with my friend..
omg congrates guys for playing behind my back..

if only you know what this friend of yours is feeling right now..

SHE'S DEEPLY HURT !!!

i never thought of ending anything..
neither friendship nor relationship..
but you made me...

im pissed! really really pissed and disappointed..
my heart cried when u showed me that msg...

all this while u guys have been msging each other..
for god sake..be LOYAL to ur boyfriend..
i understand why the fight happen..

he is jealous..
i cant deny it cuz im having that feeling too..

how can he not think you guys like each other..

even i doo... :'( :'(

i dont know what kind of friend are u..
im sorrie..
but i just have to say it all out..

im crying yet u're having fun ???
dammit!..

i want to back out..
i want u guys to be happy...

but again..
im sorrie..

i still have feelings for him...

this song is dedicated to u...
Saat mentari beradu
Rembulan pun bertamu
Hatiku menjadi sayu
Dalam kesamaran waktu

Mengapakah rinduku
Masih ada dalam kalbu
Sedangkan cinta itu
Sudah berlalu

Mungkinkah rasa bersalah
Masih menghimpit jiwa
Kerna terlalu tega
Membuatmu terluka

Dikau yang begitu setia
Tabah hadapi segala
Namun ku menjadi alpa
Kesal akhirnya

Aku pinta kepadamu
Maafkan lah kesilapanku
Aku tahu kau dan aku
Tidak mungkin akan menyatu

Apa yang tertinggal kini
Kesedaran dihati
Yang kan tetap bersemadi
Menjadi elegi sepi

Biarlah doa tulusku
Mengiringi jalanmu
Kan menebus khilaf ku
Terhadapmu

Aku pinta kepadamu
Maafkan lah kesilapanku
Aku tahu kau dan aku
Tidak mungkin akan menyatu

Biarlah doa tulusku
Mengiringi jalanmu
Kan menebus khilaf ku
Terhadapmu

2009-07-20T08:55:00.000-07:00

5mins to 12...

still not asleep yet...

hmm...

still doing my OC lab...

well yeah...

i reach home at 1030 just now...

when to watch harry potter and the half-blood prince...

with juju, bharkha, fred, hariz, alvis n danny....

Zu was suppose to be there but left earlier...

take care kkzz gerl..dont worry to much...

we're here for uu....

hmm...

about the show...

i would just give a 5...

i dont know y but i felt like i've watch it before...

the scene whereby snape killed dumbledore....

in my dream maybe...

get back to it...

i give 5 cuz..

1. too much talking...

2. not much fighting between the good and evil like the other previous ones..

3.touchy yet still okay2..

hmmm...

there was this sad and shocking part....

sad:

dumbledore gave this sad looking face when harry had to force down the water....

(bharkha at edge of crying..ooww)

dumbledore died and the students put up their wands and gave light...

(juju criedd!!!...goshh...)

shocking:

a hand suddenly grab harry into the water...

(i shouted like hell..made everyone shocked!..ahahaha..)

anyway...

its fun watching with the girls...

we laugh alot in the cinema...

hmmm...

okies then..

thats for all...

ps: to mr yayat!..hahah...im soo soriie!..

2009-07-18T04:23:00.000-07:00

gerllzz..

thank you sooo much...

from the bottom of my heart..

its been 7mths...

that was how long we 7 didnt meet each other..

gosh..u wont know how much we miss each other...

lots of things we talked abt...

iyanti n rin when watch harry potter at 1030 AM..

ahahaha..ppl watch at night...they watch in the morning...

then me and didi met at 1..

left towards bugis..

gave a suprise entrance to rin n iyanti who were waiting for us at mac..

caca n far arrived...

we left for haji lane...

went lunch at ZAM ZAM...

we talk alot....

from about me...to abt didi...to abt rin's fren...

then went for shisha....

well...only didi, caca n farfar shisha.....

we (tiktik,rinrin,iyanti) good gerl..soo nono..

no shisha for us...

we hang out for awhile...

played truth or dare...

but seems like its just about the truth...

then it was time to camwhooreee!!!....

took alot of pics..

but caca can only pass it tmr...

anyways, to make it short...

i had alot of funn with my lovelies...

i love u guyz soo much...

and yeah...

i am forgetting him...

like didi say: "dalam laut banyak ikan"

hehe..

alrity...
im off...

2009-07-17T08:26:00.000-07:00

wow...

so u're now done and over with everything....

congratulations is all i can say..

it's really sad..but never mind....

i'll try harder...

hmm....

im gonna HUSH HUSH now...

tooodayy!!!....

wow!!...

went out with ita till 11 pm!!..

and mom didnt even scold me...

COOL RITE!.

AHAHA..

crazy girls...

tak habis2 ketok2 kepala satu2...

burrook peh ita!!..

hmmph!...

i bet people look at us...

seriously the hit was soo violent..

but wat the heck....

we dont even care where we are...

hmm...

we went to watch performance by DIAN dancers (i think soo this is the grp's name)

abg ( my tarian choreographer)..

was part of it...

their tarian was soo smooth..

haishh!...

NURUL!!..u can be like them....

train harder aites!!..

then we when marina...

ahaha...

we should have watch HARRY POTTER seh gerl...

but i think even if we were to join the looooongggg quuueuueee at GV..

the show time available would be midnight...

we go other days aites...

hmm..

k lah...

im off..

last of all:

to ita: HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY...

to u: CONGRATES FOR MOVING ON!!!...may u have a better girl than me..

2009-07-16T06:49:00.000-07:00

I CAN'T LIE TO MYSELF !!!

YES..

I STILL LOVE HIM...

BUT YY??!!!

AFTER WHAT HAVE HAPPEN BETWEEN US...

EVERY SINGLE ONE KEEPS TELLING ME TO FORGET....

BUT I TRUELY CANT..

IM NOT READY !!!...

he may have moved on...

and im glad...

cuz he's happy...

his happiness is my happiness...

i didnt online yesterday night due to training...

i saw his name at the "what's new" section in msn...

and it says that he had 2 days of mc...

and i know that he is sick..

he is not the type who would skip work for no reasons..

im seriously worried..

u may say...

just forget him..

move on...its hard but just do it..

but do u know..

i love him too much....

knowing him being sick already made me cry on the phone...

~thanks marl~

wat more when i saw that girl...

..............

haishh!!....

i wish i could listen to marl...

just msg him as a fren...just to show concern...

however...

what will he think about me...

dont u think so tooo...

i also wish i could listen to the others..

forgive, forget, move on...

however...

my heart is just too heavy to even drag it across...

only god knows how i feel right now...

:'(..

2009-07-15T09:16:00.000-07:00

what the hell...

now i know y ur avoiding me...

soo how's ur new girl fren??

giving love soo muchh i see...

wow!...

congratulation for moving on soo fast....

never know what i thought....

became true...

that guys just forget about their ex soo easily..

:'( :'( :'(...

only god knows the pain im feeling right now..

i know i shouldnt not still be thinking about u...

but every morning...

i wake up..

i think of you...

every night before i sleep...

i think of you...

my schedule may be very pack...

but if someone was to just leave me alone for even 1min....

u will come into my mind....

YY ??? YY MUST IT BE YOU ??!!...

it's really killing me...

goshh!!...

everyone keep telling me to move on...

i tried but...

argh!!...

its real pain...

goshh!!...

this lyric is dedicated to you:

I see your face in my mind as I drive away

'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way

People are people and sometimes we change our minds

But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Mmm...mmm...Mmm...mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie

It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see

'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down

Now I don't know what to be without you around

(Chorus)

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break, no one here to save me

You're the only thing I know, like the back of my hand

And I can't...

Breathe without you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt

Every little bump in the road I try to swerve

People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

(Chorus)

It's 2am, feeling like I just lost a friend

Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me

And it's 2am, feeling like I just lost a friend

Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me...

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break, no one here to save me

Oh...

I can't breathe without you, but I have to

Breathe without you, but I have to

Sorry, sorry, sorry, yeah, sorry

Sorry, sorry, sorry....

2009-07-14T07:32:00.000-07:00

im TIRED!..

hmm...

3 bdays coming up...

and now...

im really tired...

i had a mission..

shop for presents in 40mins..

i was soooo in PANIC mood....

my symphathetic activity increased...

ahahahhaha....

if u know what i mean...

anyways...

we rush up n down just to find the presents...

it was like entering a competition...

buying presents for 3 different peoples in 40mins...

imagine that....

but we succeed...

ahahahahaha......

and yep...we spent a total of exactly $40 on 2 people...

okies...

im fine with that...

got home...

bath quickly..

wrapped up the presents..

and became an accountance for 5mins...

had to divide the cost price among 8 of us...

thank god...

or else my wallet would have flies flying out of it...

and GUESS WHAT ?!..

i just found out that i was cheated..

everyone was in a rush..

so without counting the money the aunty returned...

i quickly just left...

now i realised im $5 short...

i could have use that money to pay hariz back...

iyooo....

im sooo CARELESS!!!

anyways...forgive n forget..

got dance training tmr!!! at 6 till 9...

in the first place...

i dont even know y i join tarian....

hmm..still wondering...

nvm..try my best....

WORK HARD NURUL !!!

u can dance well during NDP concert aites!!!...

________________________

i never thought u could be so cruel to me....

u gave me the hope that we could still be frens...

but u left me quietly...

u come online every night...

but y never once u spoke to me...

i know u have forgotten abt me...

and i dont blame u...

but...i hope...

u could just delete me....

from ur account...

and from your life completely....

its really a torture to see ur name appearing on my account....

u know i dont have the strength to delete u away...

haishh...

2009-07-13T08:12:00.000-07:00

Omg!! im soo pissed!!...

hmm...lets start..

firstly u made me love u soooo bloody much!!!...

we quarelled alot..

i agree...

but u broke my heart..

by leaving me when in time i needed u soo much....

i let u go cuz i know u will never be happy with me...

and i know u can find someone better than me...

im sorrie if i hurt u...

but yeah...u still broke my heart...

now its shattered into pieces...

im trying to slowly bits and pieces put it back together..

its hard...

but i'll never give up..

although truth to be told...

i still love u...

however...

today...

i felt hurt again...

can u even say a simple HI back to me ??...

what am i to u now ???

its was ur suggestion that we become frens...

and now ur not even talking to me...

is this wat u mean by frens...

i dont know what ur frens have told u...

i know they love u and care for u....

but try to atleast listen to ur heart for once..

talk to me!!!...

im fine...im overcoming my fears...

so dont think about me wanting to patch up..

cuz it will never happen...

because of u...

i lost half of my life..

i lost my battle...

i lost my appetite..

i lost my courage...

i lost my freedom...

i lost my PEACE !!!....

thanks very much!!..

and for me to overcome what happen on friday...

really took alot of my frens support...

gosh!...

thanks guys...

GOD!!!...

can someone just stab me from the back...

kill me on the spot...

so that i wont feel pain anymore!!!..

ARRGHH!!!...

i love u but i hate u...